What had gotten into me?Perhaps due to my strong ego, I love putting on a strong front... Hate to let others see through my weekness. I wanted others to see me as a strong person. I was being told that I resemble a coconut... Hard on the outside, soft on the inside. True???
I admit that I'm a perfectionist. I wanted the best and I'll put in my very best and all that I could when I have set my mind into doing. I firmly believed in either you do yor best or you dont do it at all. What's the point of doing if you never put your heart into it? Besides, being a firm believer of "one reaps what one sows", I expect a good "harvest"... I expect a lot, perhaps too much....
Too much setbacks lately... Till I could no longer find meaning in things, including life... Perhaps I'm simply too pessimistic... Things are not that bad, compared to others, I'm fortunate enough. Dont worry, I wont resort to sucide. Like I said, I want others to see me as someone strong.... A survivor, not a weakling. I'll get over this. All I need is time... I'll be back!
Ok, on a brighter note, I'm currently going through a "transformation"... Transforming to become a well-groomed horse... Why horse? Due to those heels that I'm wearing almost everyday... I feel like a horse... With those click-cloak click-cloak sounds that I'm making as I walked. Oh ya, as for the well-groomed part, it's compulsory to put on make-up... Subjected only to my department... However, it may be a blessing in disgust, for I find it easiler or faster to put on the "mask", with a painted face. I'm still figuring/learning to paint my face in 5 minutes without turning out to be a clown with two big round cheeks... Oh ya, grooming includes dressing as well... It's scary to have people looking at you from top to bottom and back to top again the first thing you reach the office... They'll observe you and your dressing... Including little details such as your watch, earrings etc... It's simply horrible!! Hate that stupid "no jeans allowed, even on fridays" rule. It makes no sense... Need to get money, money and more money.... I'm totally broke due to the desperate need to get some office wear. Hence, here's an appeal: Donations of all kind is appreciated although cash is much ideal.