Fallen... Possible to Rise Again??Experienced a lot these few months. I'm at the bottom, crushed by life and the challenges it threw at me. Facing all these, I'm crushed. Totally... Staying strong in front of others but inside I simply snap. In those quiet times, those nights, I couldnt stop my tears, my emotions, my negative thinkings... I'm overwhelmed by those. The worse hit me when my grandfather passed away. Fill with guilt. Fill with anger, angry at myself. Saw many ugly things at the wake, at the funeral. Hate human more and more. Losing all hopes. They are ugly, unfeeling, fake, excellent actors, greedy, sweet-talking, money-faced creatures. Or is it just them? They are now happily counting grandpa's money at my house. Laughters everywhere in the living room after complains saying that I didnt help out. Oh well, MONEY, who will not be happy counting money? Free meals provided, still can come and get a share of the money. Who's isnt happy? But where were them when the bills came every month? Missing, no where to be found! I had enough, I had seen enough of these!
I'm such a failure. I couldnt cope, I couldnt control, my feelings, my work, reality, everything.... I want control. If I cant control or even change others, at least I can control and change myself. I need to change, change my mood, my luck, my thinkings, my attitude, my lifestyle, everything and everything. I need to kick myself out of the stinky mood, stinky life in order to continue living, to survive.... To climb out, to rise up again... Possible?